Vickrey Examines Nextdoor

Nextdoor Pleasantville: We’re Back and Meaner than Ever

By BOB VICKREY

Special to Circling the News

POST A MESSAGE, EVENT, POLL, OR URGENT ALERT

Justin ThymeMARQUEZ MAZE

Anyone else tired of hearing all the motorcycle noise on Sunset at night. I’m forming a vigilante group to “investigate” further. Call me if interested in joining.

Eva Destruction

Know what you mean Justin. We need to form a justice committee since the local police won’t seem to take any action.

Helen Wheels

Let me know how I can help. I’ve been “Sleepless on Sunset” since the Reagan Administration.

Paul Bearer—THE PLEASANTVILLE LOWLANDS

I’ve got lots of new household goods for sale. Wife moved out on me after a good three-week run of our marriage. Lots of these items were wedding gifts from local friends, so if you’re interested in retrieving your presents, come by anytime. I’ll make you a good price.

Anne Teak

You’ve got some nerve Paul. I want my candle holders back, you creep. So sorry that Rhoda left you. What price did you have in mind?

Poppy Cox

But keep in mind Paul, you’ll always have those special three weeks. BTW, I’m interested in Anne’s candle holders. What would you take for them?

Anne Teak

How dare you Poppy! Paul, I’m on my way over to your house and you better not have sold them to Poppy.

Carmen Ghia

You poor guy! I feel badly for you Paul. Why don’t you tell me a little more about yourself.

Lionel Trane—HUFFINGTON PALISADES

Repairman Needed! Can you recommend anyone reliable in the area?

Vic Trola

If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning. I’d hammer in the evening. All over this land. Alas, I don’t have a hammer, so I can’t help you.

Polly Ester

To Mr. Trola: I’d just like to say that Next Door is meant as a serious forum, and we can all live without your weak attempts at humor on this site. And besides, it now has me humming that tune since I read this post several hours ago. Thank God you didn’t post the lyrics of “It’s a Small World.”

Patton Pending

I’m certified with a degree from Texas Sheetrock Tech. I do small jobs and prefer being paid in cash. I’m only in town for a short time. My parole officer back in Texas has been extremely patient with me while I seek work.

Carmen Ghia

I’m not really a repairman but would be glad to know more about the problem you’re having. And while you’re at it, why don’t you tell me about yourself.

Taylor Made—RUSTIC MESA

Looking to rent apartment or guesthouse in area. Hoping to find something for $300 or under. Any ideas?

Cleon Sheets

I’ll rent you my tool shed for $1,800.

Sadie Word

Have you considered one of the new apartments in the Caruso complex?

Rhoda Mule—GELSON’S BLUFFS

Seeking a life coach. My husband turned out to be a total jerk, and I’m struggling to get my life together and back on track. We had such a good marriage going for almost three weeks, and then it just suddenly all fell apart. I’m also looking for some basic furniture, as well as a few essential household items.

Carol Singer

They can be such jerks. Good luck to you. BTW, there’s a local guy named Paul who is selling household goods. You might want to give him a call. He was just dumped on by some uncaring harlot.

Rex Karrs—ALPHABET GENTRIFIED ‘HOOD’

Anyone out there have any opinions about the new Caruso village complex? Has anyone weighed-in on the project yet? I’ve been away for a while.

Andrea Dorea

Nope! Haven’t heard anyone objecting to it so far.

Bobbi Sox

I wish more residents would speak up about their opinions. Everyone is so quiet.

Monty Zuma

Where is it located?

Pete Moss

It certainly is very clean-looking.

Carmen Ghia

Is this Ricky Caruso married?

Lead Officer Warren Pease—DOWNTOWN HEADQUARTERS

This is to the person who wrote that the police department has not been taking action about the nighttime motorcycle riders. I want you to know we have lots of responsibilities that limit how much attention we can give to any one local matter. We do the best we can with the resources we have.

Carmen Ghia

Thank you, Officer Pease. I’ve always been supportive of our police officers. I would be more than happy to help out in any way I could. Are you in our area often? If so, why don’t you tell me a little more about yourself.

Bob Vickrey is a longtime resident of Pacific Palisades whose columns appear in several Southwestern newspapers including the Houston Chronicle. He is a member of the Board of Contributors for the Waco Tribune-Herald. His long-running “Lunch Club” series was published by the Palisades News. You can find more columns on his website: bobvickrey.net

 

 

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11 Responses to Vickrey Examines Nextdoor

  1. Lee Calvert says:

    This column is a riot — appreciated by this local who loves a good sense of humor. I think I especially appreciate this humor after years of doing “continuity” work from a good many TV writers…. Thanks for a good laugh — I’ll watch for Vickery “bits” whenever I see them.

  2. Sally Iorillo says:

    I love getting to know Bob Vickrey !

  3. John Schwartz says:

    Wonderful! Bravo Maestro Vickrey!!

  4. Marge Gold says:

    I have been told there is a “mute” button. Help, where do I find it?

  5. ANDY COHEN says:

    Is Bob Vickrey his real name? He’s funny and spot on. If the motorcyclists leave a lot
    of people will be very angry because they’ll have nothing to complain about. Their palisades village complaints are simply growing old and avoid common sense. If the movie theater
    is too expensive don’t go, its’ not a life or death matter. One pays a premium for conveinence. If you order food delivery, you pay extra for not having to drive. If you want a frills free movie experience, drive/uber/scooter somewhere else. If the prices are too high at the restaurants and stores don’t go! Move if you re so unhappy, your home values have shot up because of Caruso. You are able to live in pp because someone, cared about
    making money. When the mall is too crowded, I can;t wait for the comment, originally said by yogi berra, ‘No one goes there, its’ too crowded”

  6. Mary Elsom says:

    Bob
    You’re still a riot! We miss you at the old Wildomar digs (and your books!)
    You mentioned a new mall? Where is it? Funny that no one’s mentioned it on ND.
    Please tell Taylor he can rent our garage storage shed for $2100. It’s an upscale storage shed, complete with a fresh water river running through it when it rains.
    Take care Bob!
    El Medio Bluffers

  7. Ima Hog says:

    Fantastic. Is it true Caruso is planning a BBQ pit restaurant ?

  8. Chris Casady says:

    Thank you, having just inadvertently started my own flame war on NextDoor, I appreciate this! It brings out the madness that apparently surrounds us in our idyllic, bucolic white-picket-fence neighborhood. It’s a war zone on those chat boards.

  9. Bev N. says:

    Who is this Bob Vikrey? I see he is in our area often. Bob, why don’t you tell me a little more about yourself. 😆😆😆

  10. Jim Hahn says:

    Is the Carusoville economy so good that merchants don’t need to advertise or have sales? I do not see ads in the PP print newspapers. I am concerned the merchants may advertise in other media which might attract Flatlanders to PP!

  11. Phyllis Trager (formrly Phyllis Douglas) says:

    Bob: I LOVED THIS!! Been laughing for half an hour!! My Dad was a Screen writer (movies and TV) and this is his humor!! Thank you so much for “telling us a little bit about yourself!”

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