Local Suicide, Death: Grief Is for the Living

A person took their life near this lifeguard tower.

A man was found dead along the beach by Lifeguard Tower 12, yesterday, January 2. According to Palisades Senior Lead Officer Brian Espin, it “was an apparent suicide. An older male committed suicide using a firearm.”  The family was being notified.

To those who loved this person, and those who came into contact with him regularly, he will be missed.

Last night, in the first quarter of the Bills, Bengals football game, Bills safety, Damar Hamlin, made a tackle, got up and then just collapsed on the field. Medical experts said, he suffered cardiac arrest. He was given CPR on the field before being resuscitated and taken to the hospital in critical condition.

Bengels owner Mike Brown released this statement: “Last night was supposed to be a great night for the NFL and a great showcase for our hometown. Instead, the human side of our sport became paramount . . .and in the moment, humanity and love rose to the forefront.

As medical personnel undertook extraordinary measures, both teams demonstrated respect and compassion while fans in the stadium and people around the country bolstered the support for Damar and love for each other.

The Bengals are thankful for the love and compassion shown by all. Praying for Damar.”

As a coincidence, the Palisades Optimist Club held its first meeting of the year the next morning on January 3 and the topic was dealing with grief, via thoughts from  griefHaven.

The nonprofit (griefhaven.org) was started by Susan Whitmore who, after losing her only child, Erika, 32, to a stage 4 aggressive cancer in 2002, found the support she desperately needed did not exist.

The following reminders about grief were discussed:

Don’t place time limits on grief: it will take as long as it takes.

My grief is my own: it will take shape in its own unique way.

Do not be pressured by well-meaning people to do “shoulds:” this is my grief and I have to handle it in my own way.

Accept that others may not understand my pain: and it is not realistic to expect that of them.

Express my feelings without guilt: and not apologize for tears.

Be grateful for concerned others who just listen: I don’t always need comments or advice, sometimes I just need someone to listen.

Respect that grief has a life of its own: not fight it when it comes – even if it comes back years later.

Recognize that asking for help allows others the opportunity to give: people often don’t know what to do but want to do something. It gives them a chance to deal with their own sadness while also feeling good about helping me.

Forgive those who say or do things which feel hurtful: people want to be helpful and don’t always know what to say. Recognize that unkindness is hardly ever intended.

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One Response to Local Suicide, Death: Grief Is for the Living

  1. Cindy Simon says:

    this ranks up there as one of the most meaningful posts you have done Sue. Thank you for sharing these coping strategies. Everyone is a better friend from reading them.

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